I’ve always enjoyed well written television comedy and I’ve wondered lately why I’m not seeing as much. What happened to the writers? Believe it or not, they all moved to DC and are writing for our Congressmen! Oh sure, there’s a dark edge to the lines they write, but it’s classic television comedy just the same. The congressional outrage reported in this AP story on the AIG bonus debacle is a perfect example.
AIG notified all involved, over a year ago, that these bonuses were contractually due and payable this quarter. Former President Bush knew, current President Obama knew, the various financial players in the administration knew and Congress knew. But that doesn’t prevent Senator Chuck Schumer, D-NY, from issuing this power-drunk one liner: “If you don’t return it on your own, we’ll do it for you.” (If I had written the scene Sen. Schumer would have exited the room directly after delivering this tour de farce but before going through the door he’d stop, turn and say “I’ll be baaaack.”
Turns out Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner did meet with AIG CEO Edward Liddy in hopes of discovering ways Mr. Liddy could renegotiate the contracts and all these bonuses, but Mr. Geithner “recognized that you can’t just abrogate contracts willy-nilly” according to President Obama’s chief economic advisor Lawrence Summers. (Apparently, you can only do the old willy-nilly abrogation of contracts on mortgage lenders using BK judges. Don’t you just love this juicy sub-plot on the importance of consistency running throughout the program tonight?)
At this point enters Representative Barney Frank, D-Mass, quite possibly the most culpable legislator in the current mortgage crisis. A less confident person, living in such a LARGE glass house, would probably keep a lower profile but not our crazy Uncle Barney. “The time has come to exercise our ownership rights. We own most of the company.” What?? I thought the administration was taking shares in the companies only to ensure that taxpayers are paid back. Do you mean to tell me they are going to start running these companies too? I’m shocked, shocked to find (this) going on here. Rep. Frank closes by pointing out that the government should not pay these bonuses (thus breaking a legally binding contract) because the employees contractually entitled to these bonuses “…didn’t live up to (the) contract.” For pure laughs, it’s hard to beat someone lauding the sanctity of a contract by… breaking a contract.
The most chilling line was delivered by Representatvie Tim Ryan, D-Ohio, who co-sponsored a bill to tax 100% of the bonuses. He was not satisfied writing a punitive and selective piece of taxation – the very contemplation of which breaks any moral or ethical boundary of democracy, but he invoked the memories of Stalin with this bit of noir: “We will use any means necessary.” (Cue the dark organ music.)
Lest you think I’m being unbalanced quoting only Democrats, this comedy ends with Republican Senator Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, going for broke on the last line of the day. In most sit-coms this last line is milked for a few extra seconds’ laughter while all the actors stand in place and laugh. So come on and laugh along with them:
“Obviously, maybe (the AIG executives) ought to be removed. But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.”
Ah, yes. The always funny hari kari. Cue the laugh track.
Filed under: POLITICAL & ECONOMIC FOLLY , AIG
