Random Thoughts Before an Ironman

IM Wisconsin minus 3 days

• Today I start a three day nutrition plan developed specifically to carbo-load, thereby maximizing my glucose levels before the race (apparently my fat levels are A-OK). Old habits die hard, however, and I have had to make some prudent adjustments. For instance, the plan calls for me to completely give up my nightly frozen yogurt for 100% fruit juice. I rewrote the plan and where it says fruit juice I substituted non-fat frozen yogurt. There is nutritional dedication and then there is insanity. After one night I have to say that non-fat yogurt is alright, but not on a par with the real thing. If it were not for the fact that I graciously increased my yogurt serving from one cup to one pint per night (due to the lower calories), I would probably give the whole thing up and go back to ice cream.
• This taper is killing me. I am positive that I got it all wrong and everyone else here got it right. I can see it in their eyes: the look of confidence that comes from being completely ready. I am sure if I just get a quick 12 mile run in tonight all will be fine.
• I must be well hydrated. I have been chugging down water, my urine has lost all color and I cannot go more than 45 minutes without a visit to the bathroom. Is it normal to ignore the emergency exit maps in a building and instead memorize the public bathrooms on each floor?
• In the elevator of my hotel there is a cardboard advertisement for a soft, warm chocolate chip cookie. It is even life size. Chocolate chip cookies, hmmmmm (doing my best Homer Simpson imitation), another sacrifice to the gods of Ironman. This being Wisconsin – the Dairy State – maybe their cookies are actually nutritious. Maybe their cookies are a secret weapon. Maybe their cookies will kick in right at mile 20 and be the difference between hitting the wall and sprinting the last 10K. Something to think about.
• I just checked out the swim course. Wow, is it long when laid out in one big rectangle. I have swum the distance many, many times in practice, but generally only 25 yards at a time. I am one of those revolutionary swimmers that never swims farther than good technique will allow, so I do the customary gutter hug at each end of my 25 yard lane. When you lay 2.4 miles out end to end, however, it looks a lot longer and… WHAT?!?! I was just informed that this is a TWO lap swim. It is quite obvious to me that whomever they hired to measure this thing was thinking meters instead of feet. I am going to look into this.
• I wonder if anyone is going to notice the big bite taken out of that cardboard cookie in the elevator. I wonder if roughage is good for you this close to a race. I wonder what the hell I am doing here.
• Time for bed and the end of my first day in nutritional lock-down. I am seriously beginning to wonder if it is possible to get hyponatremia before a race.

IM Wisconsin minus 2 days

• This morning I went down to the “practice swim”. This is where I “practice” looking like I belong here. Everyone else has obviously done this race before. They are all so confident and fit. What the hell am I doing here? (That question sounds familiar.)
• After hearing more than once about the deceptive bike course with all its rollers, I decided to make use of my rental car, a 2006 Mitsubishi Outlander SUV, and drive the course. Two hours later, somewhere between a beautiful farm and a field of cows, I got out my trusty bike and went for a 30 minute ride. Let me just say that as Ironman bike courses go… this Mitsubishi is a great car. Due to the superior suspension I did not feel any of the bumps and ruts which, as it turns out, constitute most of the roads in Wisconsin. Plus, the car is so air tight I never noticed the wind, which blows constantly and from all directions. Possibly most important for a car and certainly for a triathlete: the sound system was great. I was so caught up singing along to my favorite tunes, I remained blissfully oblivious to the fact that there is not one level piece of road in or around all of Madison. If you are in the market for an SUV, definitely check out the Mitsubishi. If you are in the market for a nice 112 mile ride, do not go near Madison, Wisconsin.
• Went to the expo today and bought some nice new bike shorts. I know I am not supposed to do anything new before a big race, but they went so well with my nice new bike jersey. I purchased that jersey at the same time I was buying my brand new aerodynamic helmet (very shiny and still in its box). I also bought new bike socks, new running socks and ordered new inserts for my shoes. Still, one should not experiment right before a big race so I am sticking with the same chamois cream I have always used. I don’t want to make any rookie mistakes out there.
• This is my second day of the three day nutrition plan. Within this plan I am flying in the face of conventional wisdom and trying new things right before my race. For instance, the lack of chocolate, the change to non-fat yogurt and the absence of alcohol are all new to me. I am not worried though. I won a bet in college that required me to drink a gallon of milk in one hour. This was a popular bet back then due to the forceful and sometimes Technicolor ejection most people experienced. I have, however, always had a bit of a Billy goat stomach and finished off the hour and the milk with a pepper & cheese steak sandwich. Come to think of it… that was around the time people started to refer to me as a Clydesdale. I wonder if that is a coincidence. I guess we may never know what happens to make some people put on weight.
• Ended the evening with a dinner hosted by Ironman North America and a talk by the people putting on this fabulous race. Mike Reilly – “the voice of Ironman” – got up and pointed out that there were 1100 of us first time Ironman participants in the room. He then commented on how the course was a “bitch” and asked us all “what the hell we were thinking”. Oh great, even he thinks I am nuts. In all fairness, he probably went on to put everything into perspective but I will never know. I was caught up in a heated discussion over who had rights to the last dinner roll on the table. (Don’t let anyone kid you, carbo loading is a serious business.)
• One final thought: the Doctor in charge of medical aid for Ironman Wisconsin got up and introduced himself to us. He pointed out that he does not know what it takes to complete an Ironman as he has never done one. His exact words were “Unlike all of you, I am not insane!” Good God, I hope I do not get hurt Sunday. I envision him in the medical tent doing the old routine:

Me: “Doc, my xyz started to hurt around mile 120 of the Ironman.”  Doc: “Then stop doing Ironman.”

IM MOO minus 1 day

• Been thinking a lot about the dinner and meeting last night. Met many interesting people and had many nice conversations. Unfortunately, they were all the same nice conversation: will the rain and the wind stop. By my count, the official consensus for race day was “sunny and warm”. I suppose when you gather together over 2400 people that have, without benefit of gun to their head or other coercion, chosen to do an IM, you are going to find an abundance of optimism. I, myself, am expecting blue skies, calm water, temps in the low 70s and a rainbow over my head.
• Some stats from last night’s meeting:
• Over 2600 registered for the race – largest field ever and a testament to the quality of IM Wisconsin and its supporters. At least that is what the Race Director said. I have no idea why so many of us chose a race that has set the record for lowest completion percentage (IM MOO 2005 – 82%)
• All 50 states and 23 countries represented, including one from my ancestral homeland of Ireland. He continued to carbo-load right through dinner. I have no idea how many beers he drank, but I am going to send an email requesting his nutritional plan for next year. Hell, I am already making the bathroom trips. Might as well go for a good cause.
• My age group, 40-44, is the second largest age group after 35-39, with 373 participants. I was hoping for closer to ten participants, thereby increasing my odds of qualifying for Hawaii. Accordingly, I have reworked my numbers: instead of an 18 mph average on the bike, I need to goose that up a tad to around 21.5 mph. I also need to pick up the pace on my run; possibly dropping from a planned 10 minute pace down to around 7:30. I wonder if the adrenaline rush that comes on race day will get me to these numbers. I am leaving my expected swim time alone just to be safe.
• Dropped off my transition bags and bike today. Nothing quite makes this feel so real as racking my bike and knowing the next time I see it, I will be spitting up lake water and trying desperately to remember what my nutrition plan is for the next 6 hours. Speaking of nutrition; I wonder how my Irish brother-in-triathlon is doing this morning.
• At the expo I stopped by the Maui Waui booth and got a fruit smoothie. They gave me a commemorative cup and a lei. Thought about calling back home and telling my girlfriend that I got laid… or is it lei’d? Geez, what a pathetic joke. (Note to self: puns, by their very definition, do not work when you have to write them down).
• No joke could be as bad as the Doctor’s joke last night. He was speaking of hyponatremia and told us that we could “have all the water (we) could drink… during the swim”. Not even a pun and it looks bad written down. Maybe the problem is with my computer. I feel like tapping the screen and saying: “Hey, is this thing on?” (I wonder if I can load a sound graphic that will play a rim-shot whenever I want. Now that would come in handy.
• Walking back to the hotel tonight it occurred to me: so this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like to be healed, rested and recovered. Wow, is this nice. I spent so many months training I forgot what normal feels like, never mind what really good feels like. Best of all, I have an entire 20 minutes to enjoy it. Then I have got to get inside and get to bed. I am sure I will not toss and turn for more than 3 or 4 hours. Ironman, here I come!

IM MOO plus 1 day

• WOW!!! Greatest thing I have ever done. No, not completing the Ironman (although that ranks as one of the greatest); no, the greatest thing I have ever done is making it out of my hotel bed this morning. I have pains on top of pains on top of areas that I have never felt pain in before. I would love to bask in the glory of this moment but even my basking muscles hurt. Hey everyone, look at the face of a winner. (It is grimacing).
• My brother and his family drove all the way down from Minnesota to watch me in the race. My brother is a bit of a smartass. During the second loop of the run he waited for me to go by so that he could cheer. It was difficult for me to hear him, however, what with his mouth full and that delicious smelling burger and fries next to him. As I started my shuffle up the hill (shuffle is how a polite athlete describes walking very slowly) I could see him wondering whether eating in front of me was wrong. If he only knew that the bag his burger came in would have tasted better than Goo and Gatorade at that point.
• Went to the expo with my brother to gather my belongings and check on my Hawaii slot possibilities (…pause for the laughter to stop…). He looked at the rather funny, loping, stiff legged limp so many of us exhibited and coined the phrase “The Ironman roll”. Like I said, a real smartass.
• Signed up for next year’s race. Hard to fathom, really. Just sort of happened. I do know this: if they had held the registration last night, right after the race, it would be a heck of a lot easier for people at home to sign up. Somehow though, today, it seemed like a good idea. I guess that, knowing what I know, I want to go after this race and this course again. Confidence must rebound faster than the body because I think I can do better. As a matter of fact, I am fairly sure that next year I can nail it! DAMMIT, I AM GOING OVER TO THE HAWAII REGISTRATION DESK RIGHT NOW AND SEE WHAT THE QUALIFYING TIME WAS IN MY AGE GROUP! NEXT YEAR I WILL CONQUER ALL!!! - Another IM junkie is born.

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